Friday, 30 March 2012

Matt Had A Baby On The Side Of The Road

For those of you who majored in biology, you`ll probably realize that Matt wasn`t actually the one who had the baby. `Twas his wife, Kathy. But because Matt is a very prominent personality in any situation he is in, you find yourself just saying "Matt did this or that". So, Matt had a baby. In the car. On a busy road. 

On Calgary's biggest street was born a wee babe during rush hour. Delivered by his dad, in the park lane of Macleod trail this morning at 6ish. Kathy told Matt to pull over which he resisted, carefully calculating what that meant. With legs dangling in the ditch, and cradling the babies head in her hands, while propped against the console, she delivered said baby into Matt's confident hands. The ambulance arrived about four minutes later to find the happy little family, mom and baby still attached, waiting patiently for roadside assistance.

Now you're probably saying to yourself "Who the heck is Matt?" 

That is a very good question, and even though he's been my older brother for practically my entire life, sometimes even I don't know the answer to that question. 

As a good friend of ours recently said, "Matt should be on the show Canada's Know-It-All. Turns out he can assist birthing a child in a car. Chalk it up as another one of those things that Matt just figures out and does well on the fly."

This is all very true, but if you grew up with Matt, I think that you'd find that it's not as inherent a skill as many would like to believe. It was a learning process, and several of my favorite toys met untimely demises due to Matt's "modifications". I remember when he tried to make my Scorcher 6x6 remote control car submersible. He modified it so that it could be placed in water. In the end, he did place it in water, and that's like halfway there I guess. Points for trying I suppose.

Here is a picture of the un-modified baby boy.
By 10 years old he had gotten his paws on several of my dad's tools. He managed to hook up an original Nintendo and television to a battery pack he had welded together out of old socks and vaseline (or something like that). We got literally minutes of playtime out of the t.v./nintendo combo before it ran out of juice. 

So you see, the guy's just got a knack for knowing how stuff works. I wasn't surprised at all that he figured out how to deliver a baby in a car on the side of a busy road. In fact, I'm sure by now he's figured out how to do it even faster next time. He could deliver a baby in a rollercoaster if it weren't for the silly "regulations" that the government puts on that kind of thing. 

Although before I get too far, I should mention his wife Kathy. She helped in the delivery too. We all have some part to play right?

Matt with his helper. He probably wouldn't have been able to do it without her.

I've gotten to know them both quite a bit better as of late. Since I got laid off of my job I've been working in Calgary (2 hours away) and staying at Matt's house during the week. Knowing how good he is at everything I should really take up some of my broken stuff next time I go up. I could take up that toaster that's been just sitting dusty in a corner for years. He could probably deliver me a nice, new, baby toaster. On the side of the road no less. 

So that's Matt. If you don't know Matt, you think I made him up. If you do know Matt, you know I toned him down quite a bit to make him believable. 

Here's the ugliest picture I could find of Matt. Why? Because brothers.

First time to the blog? Click here to read more about our endeavor.  


  1. Is it a girl or a boy?

  2. This story needs more contractions (physical) and swears. How did they not end up in a hospital hours before this? Was it the traffic?

  3. Kathy is my hero. And Matt, I guess. . . for catching.

  4. Matt should absolutely apply for Canada's Know It All :)
    Congrats Matt & Kathy. All's well that ends well!